2014 has seen major developments in the depth and breadth of social, legal and therapeutic engagement with parental alienation.
5 or 6 years ago, I would advise people to take care what they would say to their legal counsel and other practitioners about parental alienation because of the general lack of knowledge and how even mentioning ‘parental alienation’ could be used against a targeted or alienated parent. This is indeed the legal advice many alienated parents including me received!
Now, in 2014, I would say it is appropriate to raise the subject, to check out what your legal counsel and practitioners know about it and what interventions they are prepared to consider. It is also more now than ever before to present evidence, your observations and evidence of your children’s behaviour and the behaviour of the favoured or alienating parent in the context of parental alienation.
What has changed?
In 2014:
- Several social media groups supporting targeted or alienated parents have been established, collectively having more than 300 members.
- A national organisation has started up, Parental Alienation Australia and New Zealand to educate advocate and motivate about parental alienation.
- Practitioners including this author have travelled to the USA to participate in advanced training in parent-child reunification with a view to implementing such a programme in Australia.
- More and more legal and family law professionals (including family consultants) are familiar with parental alienation and are prepared to advocate for better interventions.
- Peak bodies such as the Australian Psychological Society (APS) are interested in professional development for their members. This author will be presenting at the APS Counselling Psychology conference in February 2015.
- Parental alienation has been discussed in the Australian federal parliament.
- Australian practitioners are members of the international Parental Alienation Study Group (PASG), comprising of over 200 academics researchers and practitioners in more than 32 countries. This author is the editor-in-chief of the PASG newsletter, ‘Parental Alienation International’.
- Parental alienation has been in the Australian news more than ever before.
This year more than ever we are seeing the synergy between grassroots activism, between alienated or targeted parents actively seeking change and with family law and its cohorts of practitioners, who are prepared to embrace the possibility of assessing and intervening with parental alienation.
It takes the interaction between these two dynamics to facilitate the necessary change in attitudes around parental alienation, that parental alienation is a particularly odious form of child abuse, a form of family violence and that it should be dealt with no differently to any other form of abuse and violence.
These changes are happening here in Australia at a time when other countries have already made parental alienation illegal and a crime of child abuse. Brazil and several states in Mexico have already enacted legislation along these lines. While opposition to parental alienation continues in other countries Australia is at the point of change.
Bring on 2015! May parents and children unite without interference, as they should!
I am experiencing this behavior now from my sons mother towards my almost 4 year old son, and the entire regional public service system ignores my notion completely that this is child abuse, my son used to spend 50% of his time with me, and all he wants is more time with his Father but his Mother ignores him 100% is constantly listening in on the telephone and instructs him on what he is allowed to talk to his Father about. When [editors note: name deleted] volunteers a topic, he’s mum will cut in and say; No [editors note: name deleted], don’t talk about that! It’s abusing my sons liberty!!
If you have evidence that your telephone calls with your son are being monitored at his end then that is definitely an alienation process. It is abusive to the child because they feel unable to express fully their relationship with you whilst being ‘monitored’. The act of monitoring induces a self-consciousness in a child that is not normally present in a genuine and authentic relationship. The self-consciousness induces a sense that there is something wrong with having this relationship.
Unfortunately, authorities charged with children’s welfare still do not fully appreciate the effect of such alienation processes.
As for the rest, saying in front of your son that you are a “abusing my sons liberty” simply adds to this and creates an artificial climate of fear about your son’s relationship with you. Actually, isn’t “my son” actually “our son”? Another danger sign of alienation-proprietorship.
Regards
Thank you so much for all your incredible and amazing work you have done over the past year in keep me informed, providing guidance and enlightenment on P.A, such an important issue for families.
I for one am hugely grateful for what you have offered;
The 15years of trauma, grief and dysfunction I have experienced now doesn’t seem so solitary and futile
You have indeed been a beacon of light bringing P.A awareness and vision into reality.
Wishing you every blessing for the journey forward into 2015 and into the Way Ahead for Parent/Child Restoration and Reunification.
Thank you Jo. And thank you for your renewed sense of purpose and mission. We need people like you to show that there is a pathway out of despair and futility.
I have been separated and divorced now for nearly four years yet parental alienation is still and issue. When I look back it started whilst I was still in the relationship that I left owing to anger and violence issues. In particular this type of behaviour was happening in front of my daughter who I loved dearly. I thought leaving the relationship was the best thing for my daughter. I was also naive to think my ex wife would put our separation aside and support contact with my daughter. Unfortunately my daughter was poisoned against me as were the friends and family we used to share. This process has continued for nearly four years. Not just was this conduct used to hurt me but my parents, loving grand parents, and my siblings and her family. I always wanted the relationship my mum and dad had, the upbringing I had which was beautiful and give my daughter the same. All this was torn away and my family and I are viewed as second rate. My daughter is now 14 and I know their friends become their family in many ways but recently she has treated me with the same disrespect and contempt my ex wife has. I cant be in any new relationship and move on as the manipulation of my daughter and poisoning of any prospective partner means I have to choose between time with my daughter and having a new partner. It is the pain that doesnt go away I have court orders but at the end of the day they are pointless there are no ramifications for this conduct other than the hurt and psychological damage to my daughter. Like most i am a loving dad I had my daughter every day til she was 11 but since I have never had her for school holidays longer than a few days and if I took her on holiday the x would turn up and use some dishonest excuse about me to tear her away yet she has my daughter all the holidays.
I have never interfered with my daughters life with her mum yet in the rare event I had her my x would interfere. If I had someone I was looking to move on with my wife would ensure my daughter could not get to know her without terrible offensive poisoning taking place to make my daughter not want to be with me. My x wife will never move on despite a property settlement in her favour, family law orders instigated by me vastly in her favour and continuing financial support. My daughter is the last thing she can hurt me with and it works I have to admit. I need to learn how to process that hurt and find a life that makes me happy too. Thanks for your work in this area.
Hi Ron,
You have eloquently described the alienation process, and indeed your pain. It is a special kind of pain that we rejected alienated parents feel. Unfortunately your ex partner seems to fit the classic pattern of an alienating parent who simply does not stop.
However, there may be possibilities with your now adolescent daughter as at this age adolescents start to develop critical thinking and judgement. You have to be in sound mind and heart to be able to reach out since the initiative has to come from you. How you do this is critical.
I would invite you to contact me, We can have an initial no cost consultation to map out a pathway for you in your healing and for possible connection with your daughter.
Regards
Stan
This is such a sad issue and as an alienated parent this is so hard to manage… We went through the family law courts, had a family [assessment] ordered by the court… It came back and said that we were both good parents but that my ex would harm the kids mentally if that meant hurting me. … And it’s about 7 years later and it has gotten so much worse. He has basically turned my [children] fully against me. My ex.. has this way to charm the kids. My [children have]…said [they don’t] want to see me and [are] convinced I am violent. I am in no way violent, I have a very loving relationship with.. my kids… One of my [children] is different and really wants to be at both houses but is finding this all so sad.
I just heartbroken. Nothing matters to me more than my kids, I am a mom who is always there and this is just so cruel.
I would love to find a support group as I am really struggling with this.
Punishment in the form of alienating children has been classically associated as the intention of parental alienation starting with the Greek myth of Medea, who murdered her children to punish her errant husband Jason, another god of the Greek pantheon. Unfortunately, it is all too effective and the weaponised children are ultimately destroyed in the process. However, in severe forms of alienation, the intention is not so much to punish or hurt the other parent but to replace them. In such cases, targeted parents are more in danger the more they try to keep contact with their children. This is in contrast to family violence presentations where the parent subjected to violence and abuse is more in danger when they try to leave.
Thera er are nukber of supprt groupos internationally and within Austraoia available on social media, especially on FB.
Hello Stan,
I have stumbled across your article and I am researching and learning more about PA – generally because I am now in the midst of it, heart breaking as it is.
Thank you for your research, I would be interested to follow your work more closely. I have taken some notes from your article (I hope that is alright) to re-read and reflect upon as it relates to my situation.
It is such a covert act of family violence, and so secretly debilitating. I feel that there is still so much education that many professionals across many different fields need to be aware of and educated on, to bring it to attention, for re-education and management purposes.
Thank you for your work in this field. I will continue my research and further education.