“D” (identity suppressed )is an alienated father. He couldn’t believe his luck when his 15-year-old daughter suddenly wanted to spend the weekend with him but it turned out to be alienation abuse.
She had refused to see him ever since his ex-partner declared to him, with their daughter by her side, that their relationship was over and he should leave. It turns out his daughter’s weekend with him saw him set up, and both of them exploited. What transpired over that weekend instilled in him the extent to which his ex-partner would do whatever it took to eliminate him from his daughter’s life. He also realised how little their daughter mattered to her.
Dad couldn’t Believe His Luck-It was Like Nothing Had Changed!
Imagine “D”s surprise when his daughter contacted him over a year since they had last seen each other.. She said she would like to spend time with him:” it’s been such a long time, I’ve been so hurt by what’s happened between you and mum, I didn’t know what to do, I’d really like to see you”. “D” arranged for his daughter to spend the weekend with him. He was in tears as he thought: ” I’m so glad that she’s finally come around; yes, she’s been hurt, sad. I can make it up to her”.
It was like nothing had changed between them. They were snuggled up on the couch, watching TV. Then his daughter said, “I’ll just be a minute. I know I’ve got to go back to Mum’s on Sunday; I just want to get something from my bedroom”. “D” was okay with that, “sure, darling”.
She was gone for a while; the TV show she liked had ended. “D” could hear low murmurs outside the room. He wondered if she’d gone to the bathroom. He left the family room to find her.
Alienation Abuse: Denial, Spying, Contempt, Guiltless Disregard
He found her. She was wandering down the corridor. She had her mobile phone in one hand, using the camera to record the contents of each room She had a tablet in her other hand. ‘D” saw his ex-wife’s image and her mouth moving over her shoulder. His daughter and mother talked to each other about the room’s contents. “D” heard his ex-partner say “, remember to check the bottom drawer in the study; there must something there we can use”. The last image he saw was the open-mouthed surprise on his ex-partner’s face before the video call abruptly ended. Then his daughter turned around.
“D” recalls her fury, her breathless rush of denials, her flagrant disregard about whether it was right to spy on a parent. She claimed that it was her idea to rifle his study. At the same time, she claimed she was looking for “her stuff” and “No, I was NOT talking to mum. How dare you accuse me of lying!”
Above all, “D” remembers her self-righteousness, her flagrant disregard for the morality, guilt or consequences of her actions “So what if I was spying on you? We can do whatever we want. Mum has done everything for me. I don’t know why I ever thought of you as a father!”
He remonstrated with her. She stormed out, “Don’t you try and stop me. I’ll call the police. I’ll tell them you assaulted me, you pervert!”. “D” was too stunned to speak. He watched her march down the driveway. His ex-partner was in her car waiting for her. As they left, they both stuck their hands out of their windows and gave him ‘the bird’. “D” started wondering how his daughter and her mother led him to think he had a better outcome than some of his mates.
Abused, Exploited: Dad Thought he was Fortunate.
“D,” thought that he was fortunate compared to some of his mates who found out that their ex-partner had terminated their fatherhood when the police showed up with an Apprehended Violence Order/Intervention Order (AVO/IVO) and escorted them away from the family home and into oblivion.
Hi, ex-partner warned “D” that if he tried legal action in the Family Court, he would rupture what was left of his daughter’s relationship with him and never see her again. He felt he had no choice, especially after mediation failed and his ex-partner pursued him financially through Child Support and spousal maintenance (what used to be called alimony), even though she had worked.
Passivated into Compliance with Useless Orders
He went through the family law process and obtained a family assessment/custody evaluation that recommended his daughter spend equal share time with him. He didn’t think going to trial on that recommendation was necessary even though financial matters were outstanding, so he agreed to consent orders reflecting that recommendation.
Within weeks “D” found the orders to be useless. His daughter refused to see him, and his ex-partner refused to facilitate any contact. She and their daughter ignored his calls, emails and messages. On rare occasions, his ex-wife allowed him to speak to her and ask her about helping her daughter spend time with him. She would respond by saying, “it’s up to her. She’s old enough to decide whether she wants to see you or not”.
When he pressed the point with his ex-partner that his daughter, at 15 years old, couldn’t choose whether she goes to school or not and couldn’t get a driver’s license, his ex-wife responded, “well, I can’t make her do something she doesn’t want to do. Do you really want me to force her? Do you want to abuse her again?”.
Once Alienated The Ends Justify The Means
“D’s” daughter never contacted her father again. She and her mother never responded to any message or call from him. Financial matters were resolved quickly after “D”‘s legal counsel pointed out their behaviour prejudiced their claims. “D’s” daughter was adamant that “I’ll be 16 soon. I can do whatever I like and whatever I like is not to be with you. I’ll do anything to make sure that I’m never with you ever again”. Her mother remained silent. “D’s” legal counsel advised that she was now too old for any further action in Family Law and that he should wait until she was older and realised she wanted her father in her life.
Nothing came of the family violence claims; the AVO/IVOs expired. There was no police investigation. “D’s”, local police said to him, “there’s nothing to investigate; we get this all the time”. “D” wonders who he is now, where he is still a parent, a father.
Declaration and Dedication
I have based this account on accounts and details one client gave me years ago. This client shared with me certain materials and information that led me to consider this account to be real.
I want to dedicate this article to this client who must remain anonymous, and to all alienated parents who remain silenced to this day.
- How Family Law Perpetuates in Alienation Abuse
- Alienating Father Makes Mother Terrified of her Son
- Family Violence Orders: Should You Really Apply For Them?
- Are Mothers and Children being Silenced in the Family Court?
- Is there an Epidemic of False Allegations of Child Sexual Abuse and Family Violence?