I am an Alienated Child
I am an Adult Child of Parental Alienation
I have lost contact with or have been Alienated from One of My Parents
And now, if you are reading this, maybe you have realised that one of your parents has lied to you, used you against the other parent, used you to support them in their needs when they should have supported you as you developed.
Maybe you are realising that not everything you have been told or even what you thought of the parent whom you have lost may be true. In fact, you may not even be sure how you even arrived at the views you have of the parent whom you have lost from your life!
Maybe you have had a precipitating event, something as happened in your own life, a relationship, a relationship breaking up, children, a crisis in your life that has brought all this to a head. If you are at the stage where you have already had children of your own, then how will your children know their grandparents?
Your partner may have a rich and full life with his or her extended family. So what of your own rich and full life with your extended family? What about that opportunity to your children?
You may wonder about this strange hole, this vacancy that you might feel in yourself. And now, you are probably wondering why? How? What can you do about it?
Not surprisingly, you might be sad, angry, confused about the situation. You may even feel ashamed of some of things you have said and done to the parent whom you have lost, especially when you are now questioning just how valid are your views of your lost parent.
A way to think about is that a part of you has been lost, a part of you has been taken from you.
Remember, that while you may have done or said certain things, you may also have been told to say for you. One of them has been and they have endured the other one has not.
Sometimes is not that clear, sometimes both parents are at fault in their own ways. It is incumbent upon both parents to be able to face their children, especially when they are adults and acknowledge their part in your pain. One of them may do this more and better than the other and you will know who that is.
You may also have suffered quite significantly in your own life as a consequence of your parents actions and of the awful situation in which you found yourself as a child. Children brought up in high conflict relationships who have to traverse a war zone to go from one house to the other, or feel forced to abandon one parent in favour of the other do not necessarily feel all that confident about themselves, may not have a high opinion of themselves, not value themselves very much and may have difficulty in their own relationships when they become adults.
They have a higher risk of choosing the wrong partner, a partner suspiciously like at least one of their parents. They have a higher risk of reproducing in their own lives and in the lives of their own children, the very high conflict and alienation that they suffered as children.
Depression, anxiety, relationship difficulties, poor self-esteem,, poor self-confidence stalk adult children of parental alienation. Sometimes adults like yourself who have been children in alienation circumstances feels strange vacancy, like a hole inside them. Those of us who studied parental alienation or have direct experience of themselves sometimes put this down to a feeling of loss, loss of a parent who you may have always loved and who always loved you.
As a children, we need that love to become a fully functioning confident adults who can develop a sense of purses mission and focus in their lives, to end up a successful lasting relationships with children who love them and they love.
This could be you and while it is not your fault the choice and responsibility lies with you to do something about it in your life and in your children’s lives, whether that means being in contact with the parents from whom you are alienated or not.
So if you have come this far in reading this is possible that you want to do something about? Do you want to understand how we came about to forming a view is that you have? You want to work through any guilt or shame you might have about your involuntary involvement? Maybe you even want to reconcile or at least meet again to parent and you have lost.
Or maybe you want it to be different to yourself and your family.
The choice is yours, I have been through it and I am also a professional who understands it.
Over to you…