From The Parents Whom You Have Rejected
Well, another festive season has arrived, another family occasion at which you are not present. This time it is different. We are not setting a place for you at our tables in the hope that by some miracle you might reverse your rejection of us and of your extended families. This time you are not ‘absent friends’.
This does not mean we, whom you have rejected, are not thinking of you when our families and we get together. It means that we are not taking responsibility for your absence. You see, the thing about love is that those who love each other are the ones who show up.
We and your extended families are not sad, we are not angry; we are not hurt that you are not amongst us. We are celebrating that those of us who love each other in our families are here affirming our loving relationship with each other. We are being the very best we can be for ourselves and for each other, in the face of your silent and persistent rejection.
The question for you is how can you be the best you can be when it is okay to dispose of a parent who loves you and treat them as an object of fear and loathing? We, together with the other members of your families eschew such a violation of values. It is not okay to respond to people who love you with horror, derision and fear when there are no grounds for doing so.
We are not writing this festive season message to you to dissuade you from the hostile rejection and false beliefs that you learnt as children, which you have then chosen to perpetuate as adults. Instead, we stand before you as living refutations of what you believe about us and indeed of yourself. We are here to confront and remind you of your adult responsibility and choice in what you are unquestioningly perpetuating in your lives, and perhaps in others. So consider how will this influence your relationship with your children, with your partner? How will your children treat you when they grow up?
This is what it means to be your loving parents, to be the examples of not only who you can be but who you inalienably are, were it not for your denial of the part of you that is us. We are unrelenting and implacable in our love for you as our children. We are here before you to evoke and activate that same part in you in the full discharge of our loving duty as parents to you. We will continue to be fulfilled, loving, authentic people regardless of your rejection-but you will not because you have denied that part of you who loves yourself and others.
We are not here to save you from anything or anyone, or even to save you from yourselves. We are here to be your mirrors, mirrors not just of whom you have rejected but mirrors of the part of you whom you have denied. Yes, we are the mirrors of your denied souls, your shadows whose whispers will remind you of the higher, authentic selves that lie within you. We will always be there, part of you, to show you the way back to us and therefore to yourselves. You just have to look.
You are adults now. It is your choice, your responsibility how to exercise your freedom and your agency. This is our festive season message to you. Go with love.